Before I turned 18, I never spoke English out loud.

The year of my college entrance exam, a classmate scored just one point below me — he went to Guizhou University of Finance and Economics; I got into Peking University. One point. Two completely different life paths.

This is what frustrates me most about traditional education: it runs like a precision sorting machine, but rarely considers what happens to those sorted out.

At PKU, I met top scorers and competition champions from every province. Here's what surprised me: about half of these best students would become struggling students at elite universities, because it was the first time they'd discovered they weren't the best anymore. How to embrace imperfection? That's the most important lesson for life.

But PKU's greatest gift wasn't the degree — it was the courage to dream big.

Because I wasn't among the top scorers, I had time outside the classroom — playing football, making friends, trying strange things. And at 36? I was an investor playing golf three times a week. The textbook "success story."

But then what?

我18岁之前，是个不敢开口说英语的男孩。

高考那年，我高中同学只比我低了一分 —— 他去了贵州财经学院，我进了北大。

一分之差，两条完全不同的人生轨道。

这是传统教育体系里最让我无奈的地方：它像一台精密的筛选机器，却很少关心被筛下来的人该怎么活。

在北大，我见到了来自全国各省的高考状元和竞赛金牌得主。有趣的是，这群最优秀的人里，往往有50%会在顶尖学府变成“差生”——

因为他们第一次发现自己不是最优秀的了。如何接受不完美才是往后人生最重要的功课。

而北大给我的最好礼物，不是学位，而是“敢于设定远大目标的勇气”。

因为不是成绩最好的那批人，我反而“浪费”了大量时间在课堂之外 —— 踢球、交朋友、尝试各种奇怪的事。结果呢？36岁时的我，成为了一周打三次高尔夫的投资人，世俗意义上的“人生赢家”。

但然后呢？

Our first year at HD Ningbo, there was a six-year-old boy notorious for meltdowns — lying on the floor, crying, screaming. Parents and teachers were helpless.

One day, surrounded by watching crowds, I walked over, scooped him up, and carried him back to my office. Thirty minutes later, he walked out smiling.

The secret? There isn't one. Just treat every child like a child. With patience and love, they can feel it. When a child feels safe and understood, they're less likely to lose control.

Oh — yes, he bit my arm while I carried him.

Less than a year later, that same kid would run toward me, pull strawberries from his pocket:  "These are for you! They're sweet! I washed them!"

This makes me think about graduation season when our walls fill with Oxbridge, G5, US Top 20, HKU acceptance letters. Top students bathed in spotlight. But more children go unnoticed.

Allowing children to grow into their authentic selves—and giving them the space to ask, "Who am I?" and "What does a meaningful life look like?" — is the greatest gift we can give.

宁波赫德创校第一年，有个出了名“难搞”的六岁男孩。发脾气时躺地上哭闹尖叫， 家长老师束手无策。

有一次他又撒泼，周围一堆人围观。我走过去，把他一把扛回了自己办公室。半小时后，他开开心心回到了教室。

秘诀？没有。只是把每个孩子都当成孩子。耐心和爱，他们是能感受到的。当孩子感到安全、被理解时，他才不容易失控。—— 哦对了，扛起他的时候他还咬了我胳膊一口。

就是同一个孩子，不到一年后看到我就会跑过来，从口袋掏出几个大草莓：“这是给你的，可甜了！我都洗过了。”

这让我想起每年毕业季，学校门口的名牌大学录取榜最显眼 —— 牛剑、G5、美国Top 20、港大。学霸被高光照耀的时候，更多孩子其实是不被看见的。

允许孩子长成他们自己的样子，并给他们空间去追问“我是谁?”和“什么样的人生才有意义?”，是我们能给的最好的礼物。